everythings different now

A walk through beauty

I walked al one today...Just walked... i supose you could of said that i stoped a long the way to view teh worlds distruction... didnt really care much couldnt see the harsh realitys that were pasisng me by, instead i sort of just blocked them out replaced them with thoughts of happyness that never really excited but in my mind they did ... tahts all that mattered really, was that my " happy thoughts" were in my mind regardless if they were real.
  So after this walk i returned home where the phone remained in silence as it always does... and my screen on the computer remained blank just as routine.... I sat on bed and the same old thoughts ran through my head... the what ifs the could of beens and the imagin if that and if this.... These thoughts pelase me for my happy world excits only in my mind were i am solid and whole, never really harmed or hurt but than again im not really harmed by the no ones in my life or hurt by the non- excistant love or people in my life...
   THe air got all musky and filled with my imaganation i felt the need to just go out and view the world as othrs might and try to "fit in".. not 5 minutes out the door im walking down the road as i see a happy couple .. i dont feel bad or wish i had something i dont.. because im not that "lame" as othres would proclaim... i dont mind being alone i mean hey if i were to find the one i love i would find them .. Right?. the world seems dirty and dark now... the clouds are becoming dark a bit of rain pours down on me.. and then a lot of rain does... i dont mind that i just got my new shoes wet or my ahir is going to go curly .. i mean hey who needs to look good when the world looks worse?....
I went home to write in my journal as i so often do... and with these words i realise... " if everythign has bueaty why dooesnt eveyrone see it... if everything has its time then why does eveyrone worrie so much? ... If beauty lies within the eye of the beholder... why do we look for it ? If being angry wont make things happier.. why be angry why not jsut forgive and be happy then be angry and hate?..." ive come to the conclusion somehtings in the world just dont make sence, people are just greedy & impatient with the world the best things come with time and time comes with beauty and surprises... people should just accept the world as is and see it for its beauty..then we could all live happy because theere is beauty in everything no matter what...

And with this entry i ask just one thing... next tiem you look at anything no matter what it is look at it really really look at it , weither it be a crack in the side walk ... a rainbow in the sky or a hurt butterfly find its beauty...

Written September 27 by Felicia tisi